i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
