Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
