I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
