I think I just saw someone hide a body.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
