your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
