In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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