I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
