wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
