Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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