just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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