i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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