Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
