why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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