My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think i got beer on your cat.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
