I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
