Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
