so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
