"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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