u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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