I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
