I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
