why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
