And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
