Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
