I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
