just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
