But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
