coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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