I seem to have left my pride at pride
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
