Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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