Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
