You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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