Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
