I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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