Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
