we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
