Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
