I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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