Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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