So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
