I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He did a backflip because drugs
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