i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
