i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
