never play flip cup with pint glasses
People in love make me want to vomit
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
