no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
