so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
