guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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