good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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