you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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