evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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