Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
