If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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