I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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